the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
