Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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