Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."