Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
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incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me