god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.