I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you win again, gameday.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.