The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me