Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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