now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Randomize