Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
