Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
