Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
