Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
