and you said cock pushups were impossible
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
