I'm so fucking centered right now
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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