so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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