True but thats because hes a fetus.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
