once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
