I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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