My room smells like vodka and shame
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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