god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
