i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
