She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If its not for food we ain't going out.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
