my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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