capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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