i think my mom watched the whole time
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
