he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
