We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
