i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
