I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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