you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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