I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
