it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
