I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
ok first of all what the fuck
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
