i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
