Banned from zoo.
Again?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
