I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I believe in your delicious
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
