He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
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We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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