so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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