And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
