do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
