I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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