WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
