Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
