Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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