i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
not ubering you a puppy
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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