in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
