No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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