He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
