im drinking this country out of the recession.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
