The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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