Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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