awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
