There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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