my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
