I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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