Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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