TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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