i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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