obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
