why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
