I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
