She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
