If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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