I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
