My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
