When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
