what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
